


Clorox Wet Wipes

by ravenbitch, TwoShakesofaLambsTail



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: COVID-19, Clorox wipes, Coronavirus, Eddie do have trauma tho, Eddie is a germaphobe, Eddie is thinking about his mom, Fluff, Hospitalization, Illness, Isolation, M/M, Quarantine, Reddie, Richard is disgustang, domestic fic, hand sanitizer, no clown au, stan is alive, they do be married tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:27:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23306809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenbitch/pseuds/ravenbitch, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoShakesofaLambsTail/pseuds/TwoShakesofaLambsTail
Summary: The recent pandemic that has plagued the world has Eddie anxious and paranoid. Richard is really really gross but has an immune system of a god. When Eddie starts to feel under the weather, who knows what high-jinks will ensue!!
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Clorox Wet Wipes

**Author's Note:**

> We are so so sorry. Quarantine has driven us insane.

For as long as Richie can remember, the TV in the living room has been on CNN, blasting updates on the spread of COVID-19.  
“I know this is like, topical and important or whatever, but Seinfeld is literally on right now and I’d like to watch it,” says Richie, watching from the couch as Eddie sanitizes the living room.  
“Wash your hands, dick.”  
“I washed my hands like twenty minutes ago, asswipe.”  
“Please, just wash your hands.”  
“Wow, I don’t think I’ve heard you say please since middle school. That’s a little suspicious,”  
“Well, if you can’t tell, I’m fucking desperate,” Eddie replies as he wipes down the TV screen with a Clorox wipe.  
“Why would you even sanitize that. No one touches it. Save the clorox for the shit we actually touch.”  
“Richard I don’t think you understand that anything could be infected.”  
“Well, not, like- anything-”  
“Please, Rich, just wash your filthy hands.”  
Edward Tozier-Kasprak has taken an hour long shower after work and scrubbed the entire place clean of any lingering bacteria, now all that's left is the daunting task of getting Richard-Telephone-Pole-Licking-Tozier-Kasprak to disinfect himself. The man is known for only showering every once in a while (or after he and Eddie get down and dirty!) claiming he’s, “protecting the oils in his scalp,” when really it's just because the only type of soap Eddie buys is the antibacterial kind they use in the hospital. In reality, Eddie simply refuses to let him use his prefered soap, old spice. He would, however, let him get a more sustainable option, but Richie is always prissy about not getting what he wants.  
“If you don’t wash your fucking hands, I refuse to give you any blowjobs! Ever!"  
“Ever? Oh, how you wound me sir Edward!” Richie exclaims in a british accent as he pretends to faint on the couch like a damsel in Edwardian England. Eddie rolls his eyes and hesitantly sits on the couch, as far away as physically possible.  
“If you want me to be clean so bad… why don’t you do it yourself?” Richie winks from across the couch.  
“That’s disgusting...okay fine.”  
_________________________________________

The next morning Eddie hesitantly dresses for work at the insurance company. The news is still on in the background, the intensity of the headline striking him with anxiety.  
“I don’t wanna go,” he complains as he buttons his shirt.  
“Okay, maybe stay home then, bitch?” Richie mumbles, still lying face down in a small mountain of pillows.  
“Yeah, sure, we don’t need to pay bills or anything!” Eddie examines his reflection in the mirror on his door.  
“I literally have a job.”  
“Not all of us can sit on our asses and write jokes all day- jokes that are barely funny, might I add.”  
“Dur hur bur I’m Edward and I work in an office-”  
“Somebody has to contribute to society!”  
“I wear a fancy suit and comb my hair like a big kid-”  
“Shut up. Go back to bed you absolute ass-” Eddie feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to face Richie, whose hair is still untamed and ruffled by sleep, but is still better than his morning breath.  
“Okay, shut up and kiss me before you go contribute to society,” Richie says, leaning in.  
“Woah, woah, woah!” proclaims Eddie, ducking under his lover’s arm.  
“What?”  
“The plague! Social distancing!”  
“Jesus H Christ,” Richie moans, before leaning down and licking the doorknob.  
Eddie sighs dejectedly. “...why.”  
“What are you gonna do about it?”  
Eddie sighs again, reaching under the bed and removing a box of sterile hospital gloves.  
“Wow, holy shit, when did those get there…” Richie gapes.  
“You’re gonna have to try harder than that to contaminate me dickward.”  
“More like to contaminate your DICK-”  
“Okay Jesus lord I’m leaving, bye,” Eddie says, walking out the door.  
_________________________________________

Eddie sits at work, at his thoroughly sanitized desk, in his thoroughly sanitized chair, diligently attempting to analyse risks. He can’t focus, thinking of all the germs he could be exposed to at any given time. Eddie hasn’t been this anxious about getting sick, he thinks, since he still lived with his mother.  
He knows, logically, that he never actually had asthma, but he still felt the same fear he would have as a preteen when he saw that people with asthma had a higher risk of you know, like, dying, and such.  
While working on writing an unnecessary email, Eddie feels a tickle in his throat, and coughs into his elbow. He continues typing, but gets distracted by his coworker at the cubicle across from him, who’s staring at him as though he just sneezed directly onto his lunch. Eddie whips out his phone.

spedward: I just coughed  
Bitchie: okay cool i just took a shit why r u tellin me  
spedward:shut up  
spedward: if i’m sick i can’t go to work and i have to hang out with you all day  
Bitchie: my love it will be okie dokie. If it gets worse I’ll take you to get checked up! Also sometimes people just be coughing sometime  
spedward: uggh fine. I love u big kiss  
Bitchie: medium kiss  
spedward: die  
Bitchie: okay fine no kiss at all for social distancing reasons

Eddie sighs in defeat and continues to busy himself with work, but his dry cough continues to develop throughout the work day; the angry glances cast his way made him feel like he’s about to be lynched.


End file.
